Mashpotatomato

In general, there are two sides to life: the is, and the if.

Much like how some stars fall while others stay hanging high above the sky, some people choose to live life on the is side, accepting everything as they come, while others spend their time on the if side, taking a peek into the future.

Life is like that. I can't do anything about it. Ugly people don't get opportunities. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. We're gonna die anyway.

What would life be like if I had an education, if I could make rainbows, if I were to burst into song right about now, if I could make the world a happier place?

I am standing on a cliff, faced with many choices. There is one catch: every choice is a leap, and there is no backing out. Shall I be a sky diver, or a lab assistant? A waitress in a foreign land, where I can learn a whole new culture, or a bespectacled research consultant? A teacher, or a bartender? (And I must admit, hopping onto an airplane to a faraway land sounds rather tempting, but is not possible due to many factors.)

In the past, I was a person who dared not hope, for fear of being disappointed; who dared not shoot for the stars, for fear of hitting just the moon. Perfectionists are like that, I guess - we don't waste time doing things we know we'd fail at. We make careful calculations before taking a step forward, and sometimes in doing so we miss the train. But we always comfort ourselves, "better safe than sorry" - because in actual fact, we are just afraid.

Attaining constant perfection is a very flawed plan. Because in a pursuit of avoidance of failure, it causes us to settle for second best. Ironic isn't it.

Carpe diem. You might just catch a falling star.

1. Wetness is relative.

After a loooong tiring day of standing for almost 8 hours, i came home at 9:20pm, and the pool looked so tempting. So on impulse i went upstairs, got changed, and trotted down for a swim (i can't swim; my nose thanks me for the gallons of water it drank) + dip in the jacuzzi.

There were a bunch of people with their huge cameras, reflective umbrellas and tripods standing in the water. I considered being friendly and asking the hot model what they were doing (as though it wasn't obvious enough), but by the time I managed to construct the sentence in my head in almost-correct Cantonese, they were rushing out of the pool. Someone shouted that it's raining.

I continued staring up into the sky with a dumb contented smile pasted on my face, reflecting on the pleasant events of the day, just as I'd prayed for. And then I realized, it was raining! Not just a drizzle, but huge drops which fell in close proximity to one another, suggesting that a heavy downpour was taking place. I exited the pool by climbing the wall, and the image of myself doing so reminded me of Humpty Dumpty. As I took a post-swimming (although I wasn't really swimming) shower, I realized that I was getting drier as the chilly air blew on me, despite standing in the rain!

Thus, wetness is relative. When you're dressed in your best, on your way to some important function, you'd say, "I'm wet!" when you've walked in a 5-second drizzle. But when you've just come out of a pool into rain, you'd say, "I'm drying off".

Sometimes, humans are simple. Most of the time, humans are complicated.

Sometimes, in our endless pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain, we silently slide the gears into Reverse, just so we could feel.

Sometimes, we ask for things we are certain we would not get, just so we could experience the disappointment that comes from setting expectations too high, or so we could say to our reflections in the mirror, "told you so".

I asked for 3 within the hour. Because I knew it was impossible, and You probably were not paying attention. It's a Sunday, after all, and here I am, all alone, again. And I got all 3 in half the time. And I rationalized. But there's no getting around this.

Sometimes, we wonder what we've gotten ourselves into. We'll see.

1. Sunshine. Light. Is reflected, refracted, diffracted. Brings colours into our eyes, unto our retinas, into our minds. Brings life to life.

2. Hope. How the gazelle struggles to escape despite being in the lion's grips. How the poor push on to live from day to day - and for what? How one person's beliefs and determination could change the world.

3. Reincarnation. What purpose has life if it is so?

4. The Internet.

5. Emotional ties. Transcending the boundaries of race, culture, space and time. I will always have a part of you with me.

6. Babies. How one moment they are but a bump in the belly, and the next they are a person. Nothing short of miraculous. Does life begin at birth, or at conception?

7. Adam needed Eve. Because human contact is essential for survival.

8. Trauma. How one thing can change everything.

9. Smells. Their wafting nature, their choking effects on emotions.

10. Common sense. Is it true that there are no monsters under the bed, teddy bears don't walk around at night, and people cannot fly like birds? At what age do we write off our beliefs as childish nonsense? Is it maturity, learning the logic of the world, or is it climbing into a cage lined with velvet sofas and thick textbooks?

11. Words. Often thrown around so casually. But at times pronounced solemnly, as in a marriage ceremony, and all of a sudden they gain legal power, both in the physical and spiritual realms. Makes you think twice before speaking.

12. The number twelve. Usually, in a number progression, we count from one, two, three. But in the number twelve, we stop short. Leaving an impression of 'there's more, but that's it'.

I was sitting in the sleeping bus today, when my wandering eyes caught sight of the time, brilliant formations made out of bright red LEDs.

It was 7:59.

My fingers jittered in anticipation and my heart skipped a beat. the sensation of having chanced upon a rare occasion wrapped itself around me. my breathing quickened as i realized that in less than 60 seconds, in fact, at any time now, the time would change, and this isn't just any kind of change, but a total transformation, as all 3 numbers would switch at once, in the blink of an eye. i had to tell someone.

Not allowing my gaze to depart from the clock, i whispered, "John". no reply. and more urgently, "John! John John!" he stirred from his half-asleep state. i hurriedly explained the situation and instructed him to join me in witnessing the momentous moment which was about to take place. out of the corner of my eye i saw him going back to sleep, but i think he kept watch with me.

And then it happened. it was 8:00.

Some things are better when shared. :)

A number of past posts have been re-published, well, only up to 1.5 years ago anyway -- the older posts feel so...ancient. sadly, most of the comments (which were on Haloscan) can't be exported to Blogger, unless i pay USD12 to upgrade my account! :(

Btw, i miss writing! but i have yet to decide whether or not to continue blogging. should i?